Small Death in Pain and Pleasure
by A.J. Jailhouse
Summary: Levi is familiar with death and the pain that comes with it. While at face value it does not look it, he experiences and quantifies those emotions. What happens when pleasure and pain mix to pull at him in ways that begin to resemble a mask of death? YAOI Levi/Eren, Jean/Marco.


Disclaimer: Attack on Titan/Shingeki No Kyojin and its characters were created and are owned by Hajime Isayama. All liberties taken with this fanfiction will break out from my own creative volition. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: Small Death in Pleasure and Pain

Pairings: Levi/Eren, Jean/Marco

Rating: M / R Genre: Drama/Angst

Summary: Levi is familiar with death and the pain that comes with it. While at face value it does not look it, he experiences and quantifies those emotions. What happens when pleasure and pain mix to pull at him in ways that begin to resemble a mask of death?

Timeline: Approximately six months following the events in the Anime, Season 1: Ep. 25.

Additional Info: This only follows the anime not the manga. Read this as if it is a filler arc: bringing you out six months after the capture of Annie. Anything relevant that has happened during those months will be mentioned. I will try to include some information from the Manga, as it is pivotal to the characters lives, but I will do so sparingly. Enjoy!

Warning: This fanfiction will contain explicit and sexual behavior. Underage readers are unwanted.

* * *

 **Small Death in Pain and Pleasure**

By A.J. Jailhouse

 **Chapter One**

Levi had seen much death during his time in the Scouting Legion. Sometimes when the moment exceeded the futility of existence and times were darker than the molted red and purple on his skin, he thought all he ever knew was death.

Growing up Levi had walked past death in dark alleys, dead bodies from starvation or brutal gang wars. Blood s stain smeared over the cold cobblestone. As he had gotten older death followed him. Seeming to multiply as every year went by, until he was the one killing, until he felt that he had turned into death.

Death's cold grim latched onto his arm as if it was not even he that threw his fists, swiped out a razor blade, when it felt like another entity was controlling his maneuvering gear. Death had turned into his constant companion: filtering through his mind without thought, death had turned into his second nature, as sure as the air that filled his lungs.

Death was simple. Levi could let it in and let it out in the same turn. Death was like a breeze against his back, ever present in a way that he had always known it. It was the moments before and after death that got to him. The soul consuming question of what could have been done to stop it, or better yet, to speed up the process because sometimes death meant prolonged pain.

It was always times like these - standing on an obscure street corner that only chance could bring him and his squad to. To take in the face of the public, to meet their pain and grief at learning they lost a loved one and there was no body to show for the loss. To see their happiness on throwing their arms around their grime-streaked relatives, still alive.

It was there on that street corner that Levi stood, one part that made up half a crescent of Survey Corps soldiers. He stood between Commander Erwin and Hange.

The soldiers assembled on that random patch of cobblestone were giving out grievances to those who stepped forward from the crowd. It was a conglomeration of people that could not find their children, spouses, or lovers amongst the thrall of bodies coming in from the wall.

 _Strange._

Levi could feel Hange bristle next to him. They had been at it for twenty-five minutes and not once had he felt her jolt from those that had made their way forwards.

Levi turned his attention to his subordinate but his gaze did not make it. His eyes looked to the woman stepping up to Hange, and they would have widened if he had not seen similar expressions before.

I _t's so much easier to look into the eyes of the dead instead of the ones they leave behind_

The woman had golden hair that almost disappeared in the shine of the setting sun. However, belying the smooth beam of light that laid upon her head, her face was cast in darkness. She had shed tears, clean tracks travelled down her face through a thin layer of dirt from the heavy dust in the air.

Levi could only assume that Hange had bristled because the woman was no longer crying, that the sadness in her eyes also contained malevolence that screamed for blood.

 _Dead people don't have eyes like that_

It was that pain that made Levi most uncomfortable. Even though he did not wear his heart on his sleeve, like some. He knew pain, he could decipher through each category of it. Pain is not as simple as being either physical or mental. It transcended those plains of existence.

Without thinking Levi stepped in front of Hange, years of fighting and instinct pushing his body to do so. Levi had unconsciously picked up that the woman's hands were under her dress. Making it seem like she was bunching the fabric up to walk better. Yet, Levi knew that was not the fact.

 _She's concealing a weapon._

The thought filtered through an instant before the woman stood toe to toe with him and for once he was looking down at someone instead of up. Levi could see the women's lips moving but there was no sound coming out.

 _What?_

Suddenly Levi was moving, his green cloak upset by the motion. As the woman's left hand had rose a glint of metal shone, and she went for a quick jab into Levi's ribs with a previously concealed dagger.

A movement that would of had that dagger imbedded between Hange's ribs, puncturing her lung if Levi had stayed in formation.

Instead, Levi was moving, an instant ahead of the women. His left arm shot straight up as his right hand flew across his chest making contact with her welding arm in a quick grab. He then brought his raised arm down elbow first into the woman s wrist, immediately disarming her.

The metal dagger scattered across the street just in front of Commander Erwin.

Behind Levi, Hange gave a bellow to the Military Police.

The crowd gave a collective gasp.

The woman in Levi's grasp dropped to the ground and he went with her.

They both landed with the soft crinkle of the woman's dress surrounding them. Her left arm still locked in his tight grip. His other hand grasped around the back of her neck. A move that left his right side completely open to attack if she took initiative with her free arm.

Levi could feel the woman move her right hand free of her dress.

 _Shit!_

Right as Levi was about to roll them, grasping her neck and arm tighter he heard her give a soft cry that led to whimpering. Her body began to shake with the effort and the arm that startled Levi before wrapped around his back to clutch at the wings of freedom upon his cloak.

 _Shit_.

This was also why pain was so much more complicated than death. Pain made people do stupid things. No one did anything when they were dead.

Levi loosened his grip from around her neck and let his hand fall to her back. Her face was shielded in the junction of his throat and collarbone - he could feel her warm tears on his skin.

When Levi finally looked up into the crowd he could see the military police burrowing through the throng. He then looked down to the golden hair trailing down the woman's back, tangled in his fingers.

Levi's voice broke through the chaos about to come, "What was their name? Who did you lose?" and pulled her away from his chest to look at her face. The grief there was easy to find. Her voice even mirrored the loss in her eyes, crumbled and broken, split up by her inability to breath fully, "R-Reese, I-I lost my f-fian-cé."

While Levi did not work with everyone he made it a priority to know everyones name. Reese was no different. His name had been remembered.

 _He had been in the Survey Corps longer than average, too. What a shame._

Levi did not move, swept his gaze through the crowd again and raised his hand off the girls back to signal to the police to stop. He could then hear Erwin and Hange speaking behind him but could not really make out their words.

Levi switched his gaze back unto the girl, using his knees as leverage to sway his body away from hers. He used the space and dipped his hand into his pocket. Dropping all the patches he had gathered out in the field, he remembered.

 _There's nothing here to give her._

Reese was one of the bodies they had to leave behind. No one had been able to get to him.

 _I can't give her shit._

The patches Levi had in his hand, he let fall to the ground. His fingers filtering through them, he picked one at random. One that was not soiled in blood, one that he had cleaned by hand one that he failed to give to Petra s father on the day of her death. One that really was not so random, but one he really did not know why he had kept.

 _I can give her peace._

Levi bunched Petra's patch in his grasp and found the girls hand, shoving the thick fabric into her clenched fingers.

Her eyes widened at him, threatening a fresh round of tears. But the Captain's level gaze halted the onslaught.

 _Don't you dare turn into a snot-nosed kid._

Levi clasped her hand in his, "Reese was a good man. He will be missed by many in the Survey Corps, let this," his grip tightened around her hand, "be a reminder to his image."

Levi got his feet under him and swayed into standing, bringing the heartbroken woman with him.

From there two Military Policemen came in, flanking her sides, placing their palms on her shoulders. Levi let her hand go. At last nodding his head slowly to her, to which she could only sniffle. Slowly he turned on his heel to get back into his place between Erwin and Hange only to see their complete arrangement had been upset.

The crescent their units had been formed into had merged together. The shape looked more like a messed up ameba now.

Levi's brows almost drew together, but Erwin stepped up to him before he could finish the expression.

"You did a good job, Levi."

 _What the hell is he yammering about ?_

Before Levi could call the Commander a simpleton Hange was right in-between them, her face smiling with the light of a thousand suns. Levi could almost feel the energy buzzing off of her in waves. He took a step back at the same time as Erwin.

"You disarmed a civilian and then hugged her! Captain Levi, I would say your getting soft." Hange squealed with delight. Then she got even closer to him, dropping her voice, "Besides I think you saved my life." Hange wheeled around him, her hand picking at a spot on his Survey Corps cloak, a hole in the green fabric as evidence that there had been a knife involved.

 _I really want to hit you, Hange. Pain in my..._

Erwin must have been reading his mind. "Levi, I want you to go back to HQ. Get washed up."

"Yes, Commander," Levi let out, somewhat relieved.

 _Yeah, until Hange finds me and corners me at base._

Making to walk past the taller man but again his words stopped him.

"Oh, and take Eren with you." Erwin then turned to Levi and held out his hand, within his grasp sat a long silver dagger, Erwin motioned forwards with his hand and Levi received the item.

 _Where the hell had she picked this cutlery up?_

The dagger ran one foot, from pointy tip to rain guard and swirled grip to amethyst-encrusted pommel. It was a simple silver dagger, that was dull - better as an ornamental piece than for use in killing.

 _And nothing to stick the blade in..._

So with no scabbard to store the blade he tucked it in-between his pants and the two leather strips across his thigh. He began his way back through the soldiers around him, without a nod to his commander.

 _Ah, my lucky day._

Passing Eren and his friends he nabbed the back of his collar, hauling him backwards with him. The kid sputtered but did not put up a fight.

Eren was getting used to his captain's manhandling.

Armin only had to put his arm up to stop Mikasa from storming after them.

"Come on, we're headed back to HQ." Levi let Eren go and he followed the shorter man obediently until they stopped in front of the captain's horse, which nickered softly at him, butting him in the shoulder.

Eren watched him mount the black thoroughbred.

Levi looked down at him - the kid had a look on his face like he was just realizing something. He quickly got irritated, "Well, lets go, grab a horse and get on."

"Sir, my horse isn't..." Eren tried but the captain kicked at him.

"Shut up." Levi reached for the reigns of the horse behind him and pulled it forwards.

His gray eyes pierced Eren and the kid jumped into action: griping the saddle, situating his foot in the stirrup and swinging himself up onto the horses back.

 _Great, lets get gone. Seriously, can't get outta here soon enough._

They navigated through the people around them and soon they were out from the cramped roadway.

Levi did not throw one glance back to the woman in police custody because it was unnecessary to. He could hear her screaming. Wailing like a deranged woman instead of a broken one. Could see every scream punctuated by every shiver down Eren's spine in response.

* * *

Levi and Eren reached the edge of buildings and pushed onwards out into the hills. The woman's screams did not reach here but somewhere a pack of dogs were barking.

 _If it's not one thing it's another._

It took a few minutes for them to find the path that led to their head quarters.

Levi was glad that the setting sun was at their backs.

The sun at this angle lit up hundreds of gossamer spider webs strung up between brier bushes and black berry bushes on the right side of the path, making their way into a thicket.

The black berry bushes were way past their prime; if one wanted to pick them they would have to wait until late summer, next year. Soon they would be covered in frost.

 _Next year while I still be alive?_ Levi thought, brushing his hair high on his forehead. _Will Eren be dead by then too?_

Levi looked over to Eren then, his hand still holding his bangs back.

The kid sat straight backed on his borrowed horse just to the left of him and his dark stead. The kid's brown hair getting lit up by the sun too, much in the way the woman's had back on the street but instead of gold it was bronze.

Levi's hand finished the movement through his hair, slowly carding through the strands as they got shorter and then scratching at the shortest hairs on the back of his head.

The Captain sighed. _Humanities Hope is just a fifteen year old kid_. He could hear the words, almost feel them as he had said them days ago to Commander Erwin. They had slipped out right before the foray outside the walls. What the Commander said in responce makes Levi still want to flinch. _And he has done more with his life than you had with yours at fifteen._

Levi was still embittered over the exchange. What he had learned in those years were the exact thing that Erwin recruited him for, he had sought those negative traits to make the force of nature Levi had later turned into. To go back and spit on that was an insult.

Levi's hands tightened on the leather reigns.

 _Not that a prostitutes child can do very much good before the age of fifteen, I was not a child, I never had a childhood. I was thrown into the ugly world of gangs, thugs and pimps before I new there was good in the world. I existed to scrape by on what I could get by stealing or by beating people. Before the world had any semblance of hope._

That hope was right next to him. Eren Jaeger: the kid that could turn into a titan, a kid that was hope and despair.

 _A bright-eyed brat that could be the means to free us from these walls or cage us. Send us into the ground were we would sooner have blood in our lungs than air._

So deep in his thoughts his mare steered closer to the younger gelding Eren was on. Before he put a cap on his festering frustration he felt his foot brush the junior's leg.

Levi let up on the reigns before his steed completely pushed into Eren's.

At the contact Eren looked back to Levi. He looked like he was concentrating on something, tossing ideas around in his head like a kid learning to juggle for the first time.

 _If he thinks any harder he might have an aneurism._ Levi scoffed. _Or fall of that horse._

Levi would have continued to watch the passing landscape behind his subordinate but the kid s mouth kept opening and closing.

 _Nope not an aneurism just a stroke._

Just when he was about to yell at the kid, Eren found his words. When they rent through the air they were barely a whisper and the hollowness to them almost had tingles washing down the Captain's back like a cold current.

When Levi did not answer, Eren asked again, stronger this time. Perhaps thinking his superior could not hear the first time.

"Why was the woman yelling like that?" Though Eren asked stronger, his voice was still haunted.

It seemed that Levi was not the only one free to feel the melancholy the day had brought. If the kids use of 'like that' was any indication. The women's wails had struck Eren in the same way those two words had struck Levi.

 _...like that?_

It pointed to a deeper issue than standard yelling. Yelling in anger, frustration, and agony were all one toned. The woman's yells had been all three plus some - loneliness, fear, and the realization that something truly cherished was not coming back. The woman had screamed in such a way that showed the multidimensionality of her pain.

 _If people could look at that type of pain they wouldn't ever get up again. They de be lucky if they didn't shrivel up and die._

The moment of contemplation stretched out awkwardly for Eren. He began fidgeting with his reigns. An action that brought the horses back together again.

Only then did Levi realize he was still looking at him, forcing the brown haired boy to look down and away.

 _Tch._ "She was doing it because she was in pain."

Eren's head perked back up, "Yeah, but I've never heard that kind of pain before."

 _This kid is dense._ Levi really wanted to furiously dry wash his face.

Instead he settled for narrowing his eyes at Eren. Almost forcing him to look away again but he held his Captain's gaze.

Levi could tell he was not going to let it rest until he understood.

"She lost something important to her. She lost something that you and I couldn't understand."

"Okay but even when Marco was in surgery for his arm, he screamed but not like that."

 _Scratch that, this kid isn't dense. He's as think as a brick wall... He's retarded._

This time Levi did wipe a hand across his face and not to wipe away the scowl that found its way on it.

Levi swung out his arm in a random gesticulation, "Marco's pain was from a physical loss, that woman's pain was from emotional loss, they are not the same. Do you get it?"

Eren got that look across his face again though this time it had a more brutish look to it. His voice came out hesitant but sure, as if he knew he was going to irritate his captain further. "Sure, I get that but what did she lose?"

His question made Levi hesitate. _Does he really not get it?_ His hand almost went to press against his pocket but that piece of him was gone now, had been for some time... He brought his hand back.

Eren was not like his captain, it was then Levi had to remind himself that he was young. _He is too young to have loved like that, or to have lost like that._

Eren's question had stemmed from his lack of understanding the woman's situation. A situation that he had not been in, after all while he had his best friends, a lover was different. They stood apart from how friends did.

Levi wanted to punch this into Eren. The kid had him talking about stuff too close to the damn birds and the bees to be comfortable. He was his superior not his parent.

"I'll just say this once... she lost her fiancé, her lover. That kind of relationship is different from how you are with your friends. What she lost is much deeper than losing a friend, kid." Levi let the words flow, but the glower on his face made them look insincere.

Levi could tell Eren sucked them up anyways.

 _Next he'll ask about babies... I'll send him to Hange and he'll be too scared to ask anything like that again._

Eren emitted a soft "Oh," a few second later. "I get it now Captain."

That omission surprised Levi. He caught the peculiar shade of pink on Eren's cheeks since it was not yet dark enough to miss it.

Even more surprising, Levi felt a surge of rage for a second at the thought of one of his men laying a finger on a minor.

 _What animal would...!_ He cut his thoughts short, tempering his growing displeasure. Giving his mind a mental shake.

Finishing that line of thought would be a little to close to home.

Levi looked up the road into the grove of trees that would be the last leg to their base. He would handle this accordingly. As Erwin would. furtively.

Levi raised a thin brow to Eren, passing it off nonchalantly, "So you understand. Why, have you been chasing skirts lately?"

Eren sent back a wide-eyed look giving Captain Levi a good look at his pupils. They had widened in surprise at first and then shrunken to pinpoints, showing his aversion to the topic. He could hear the kids answer bubbling up his throat like a gag, "Eh, n-no, not at all!" He had even added in his hands, shaking them back and forth like he was trying to get the idea of it to back off.

Eren got really quiet, suddenly interested in the browned foliage up above their heads as they followed the beaten path into the grove of trees. Levi thought about furthering his train of questions when Eren got this putrid look on his face, scrunching his mouth up into his nose as his brow pulled downwards.

"Kid, don't hurt yourself," Levi told him.

Eren kept his sight averted, lips pulled backwards like he was thinking about something slimy crossing over his naked toes.

Levi got insight into why he was pulling faces, when Eren talked next, "I get it, because well, you know what goes on at training camp." His voice squeaked off at the end giving into his embarrassment towards the topic.

 _Ughhh, that's a disgusting mental image. Why do I need you to remind me... Shove a bunch of hormonal kids together, of course I know._ He internally ranted.

"So you watched other people chase skirts? Good to know." The Captain almost smirked as Eren gave a long sigh and started making faces again.

He gave a mental shrug at Eren's mortification.

 _Kid, should be used to it by now. It's not unusual to have 'friends for cut'. There's a lot of that going around. Especially in the Survey Corps, everyone's looking to get laid. We could all die tomorrow._

The wind gave a cool gust through the undergrowth, ruffling both soldier's cloaks and hair, shaking dried leaves down from the canopy.

Levi hoped the thought of death would be carried away on the current but with the leaves the thought fell down in a swirl around their horses clacking feet.

Eren's hair swayed around on his head as he sent a glare to his captain, finally catching on to the exhibitionism he was implying.

"No." Eren said into the empty air in front of him, frustrated. Levi eyed another blush working its way up his neck, "You hear it and sometimes you just walk in on it. It's terrible." Eren snorts. "It's like a secret you never want to know."

Levi had to agree with that. He had seen some of those secrets and this conversation was only stirring up the images he really had no reason to remember.

"Yeah, I've seen some of those secrets too... Thanks for helping me remember." At this Eren's whole body went rigid and his whole face went even redder, Levi watched him from the corner of his eye.

"Sorry Captain." He gulped and blushed harder, the pink tinge rising further. He picked at the cracking leather in his hands.

Levi hears him distantly - his mind already switching different tracks, maybe it worried him, but he was not going chase that train of consciousness down completely. So he shrugged at Eren giving him a, "Shut up, it s just a fact." And before he could stop himself Levi let him in on another thing. One that he might not really understand, if his only reasoning for understanding that woman s cries were for secret moments, "but just know that those moments aren't what that women was wailing about."

Sudden turmoil cut Levi off. _What am I doing this for ? Yammering about crap is what I m doing. Shut up, Levi_

Yet he continued. Eren was giving him an excruciating amount of attention for it too. Levi could feel it run up and down his arms, it felt like the cold pinpricks of anxiety.

"There are moments that two people share that can't be recreated with anyone else. That intimacy is what she wailed for, tiny moments, secret or otherwise. It's the shit that people get married for, emotions that turn people stupid. She only realized that she just lost it all." Levi pushes it out in one continues thread.

Eren was frowning. Maybe Levi's words reflected on something that helped him understand the pain of those screams.

 _Hell if I know. I just have to watch the brat._

"Sir, that's really sad," Eren said back to him, as if to confirm Levi's brief aside.

Levi did not let those words touch him. His voice dipping low as the HQ fortress broke across the trees in front of them. He twisted his words as if he were trying to instill words of wisdom, "Don't fall in love kid, it s a shitty slope for us in the Legion."

Levi kicked his horse into a gallop as if to leave the conversation behind him and to leave the last words Eren said before he could mentally attach them to the last thing he had said. It promptly left the kid behind in a trail of dust. The gale Levi's speed warranted felt cleansing against his face, seeming to blow away the darkness that had settled over him.

 _Shitty brat and his shitty questions._ When in reality it was the shitty past few days they had endured.

With the thrum of Levi s pulse in tandem with the thundering of his mare's hooves beating against the ground, his fingers loosened on the leather straps and he could feel his weight floating atop his horse, not tied down. For a moment he was just there for the ride, his feet the only thing keeping him astride the beast beneath him. It was therapeutic in a way that fighting never was.

 _Even better when I'm outside of these walls._ His nose gives a twitch.

Then those thundering hoof beats double as Eren ate the distance Levi had created between them.

Levi looks to his rear and the kid's hair had blown back off his face, looking black in the dim light the set sun was still giving out.

Eren kept pace right behind, not daring to pass or unable to, Levi had no clue.

Their speed brought them the last few yards to ride before the impressive castle that was their headquarters. They rounded up to the front gates.

Someone had opened them, the heavy wood doors propped open by boxes on either side, pinning them against pale bricks. The circle mosaic window above the door caught Levi's attention, like it always did. It lacked the usual luster it had in the sun but the dark and light blue stained glass still signaled the entrance to the closest thing he ever considered home.

Both captain and subordinate slowed to a trot right before entering the inner ward. A swell of dust caught up with them as they stopped besides the stables, illuminated by the torches that had been set up along the periphery of the ward's walls.

 _Odd, someone's usually still running around lighting them._

Even so, Levi was quick to thrust his reigns into Eren s hands and dismount his stead. Levi had to toss his head back to catch Eren's eyes over the back of his horse.

Compared to Levi his mare looked more like a black draft horse, rather than the precisely reared thoroughbred she really was.

Levi put his hand down his horse's hip running his fingers to her thigh. It was a small token of gratitude.

"Go tie these guys up." Levi ordered, looking away from the kid. He moved his hand to wave in front of his face, dispelling the settling dust illuminated in the air.

Levi heard Eren's feet thump to the ground while he stalked over to the well. He gripped the edge of the wooden cover and threw it back, quickly dropping the bucket into the dark hole for some fresh water. Making quick work of removing his cravat, instead of settling it with the dagger holstered by the tension of the leather straps against his thigh, he put the white cloth up to his mouth to hold with his lips.

Soft whinnies of their horses curbed Levi's attention, stopping him in mid-motion from fully retrieving the bucket. From the side of his vision he could see one horse harassing the hair on Eren s head while his own horse tugged on the end of the kid's sleeve.

 _"_ Hey, cut that out!" Eren whipped back at the beasts, fighting between his equine tormentors.

Eren's hand tried to push the horse's head from his hair and tried tugging to get his sleeve back. When it turned out to increase the thier hassling Eren decided to walk away - his arm remained suspended by the sleeve in Levi's horse's mouth. If not for the 3DMG straps around the kids back and torso the horse's grip on his sleeve surely would have had the shirt riding up his back and straight of his head. Where its only purpose would have been for the horse to flag it around in victory. Instead, Eren had a short game of tug-o-war, until the fabric was let go and he flew back onto his ass.

 _Such a child..._

Levi could not stop the urge to shake his head as he completely lifted the bucket from the well. Setting it on the side of the well he pulled the cravat from his mouth. He dipped it into the clear water to then wipe across his face and neck. Finally getting to wash off the salt the women had cried into his skin. He slipped the wet cloth around his neck and knotted it, tiny droplets rolling down to soak into his button down.

Eren was just standing up, dusting the dirt from his backside when Levi motioned for him.

"If you're done flirting," Levi said handing Eren the bucket of water. Eren reached out with the previously stolen sleeve with a scowl on his face. Frustrated with the horses or Levi's words or both, Levi could not care less.

Levi's eyes landed on the brats green sleeve with a small frown, it had a tear in it, letting a good two inches hang downwards, "Go water your sweethearts and fix that," Levi nodded towards the ripped fabric at Eren's wrist.

"I should put the horses in for the..." Levi let the full weight of the bucket go, Eren not expecting it stopped mid-sentence to accommodate the sudden pull of gravity in his hand.

 _Idiot, I told you to do something... do it. Six months in and he still doesn't just jump-on-it._

Levi made towards the horses with the thought on his heels. That makes it little less than six months since his last Special Operations Squad had died.

 _Gunther, Uluo, Eld, and Petra gone._

Levi cut any more thoughts on the topic from surfacing and dived into removing equipment from the horses. Sliding onto the side of his mare he starts with her bridle, eventually taking the bit from her mouth and setting it on the post after fully sliding it off her head. He repeats the process with the brown gelding, until the horse starts to get smart with him. Unlike Eren, all it takes is Levi putting a calm hand against a sleek snout. The horse under his hand gentles and stomps his foot as he submits to Levi's gentle prodding.

Eren watches as Levi puts the second bridle on the post. He has just finished emptying his third bucket of water, a few more and the trough will be at the water line.

"How did you do that?" Eren calls over his shoulder as he goes back for a fourth round of water. He drops the bucket in the well, "I couldn't keep them off me." He grumbles rubbing the patches of his hair that are still sticking up.

 _Wouldn't you like to know?_

Irritated Levi says, "I thought I gave you a job." To which Eren nods his head quickly, resuming his post at the well. "brat", he adds with a long withering sigh.

Levi ignores him completely. He moves forward to strap the stirrup irons up under the stirrup leathers. This allows him to then loosen the girth or belt securing the saddle onto the cowed horse.

The girth unbuckles easily and falls underneath and to the opposite side of the horses abdomen, gravity letting it swing minutely. Levi unlatches the breastplate from where it is connected to the saddle; it ends up partially hanging off. When he walks to the other side of the horse he undoes the other side of the breastplate, collecting both free ends in his hand. He then squats down to disconnect the last piece from the girth and rests it on top of the saddle. From there he unbuckles the girth completely and places it next to the breastplate.

Eren walks around him with the bucket, dumping it into the trough against the stable wall. Before he walks back across Levi stands on his toes and grips the saddle at the front and back. He makes to lift it from the horse's body but ends up sliding it off the horse's rump to make up for his height.

As Levi turns Eren is right there in arms length, watching him

 _What do you want...?_

Levi puts the pieces together and it makes sense why Eren had wanted to do the horses earlier.

 _Your calling me short without words. Brilliant._

Levi scoffs, as Eren remains standing there, his expression screaming do-you-need-help? So Levi walks as if he is about to run into him and he nudges the saddle in the air. Eren gets the hint and ducks out of the way.

 _Brat. I should kick your ass._

He thinks better of it as he sets the saddle down.

 _If the kid wants to help, fuck it._

"Eren, throw that bucket in the well and put this idiot in his stable." Levi tells him, patting the rump of the horse Eren had ridden. The brown thoroughbred snorts its amusement as Levi then makes quick work on his own horse's saddle and equipment.

"Yeah, sure thing." Eren chirps, trotting over to the well and throwing the bucket down the shaft, he slams the cover closed. The loud clip sharp in the enclosed space of the ward, ricocheting back off the walls.

 _Tch. Always so eager._

In truth, Levi had witnessed that Eren could switch gears at the snap of thumb and middle finger and back up his actions with his boundless determination. Much in the way that Hange could silence... or, better yet, clear a room with her maniacal rants about science.

Levi was unbuckling the last piece of gear when Eren walks over and opens the stall with the slide of a lock.

Levi is not able to see the look on Eren's face as he walked up to the brown gelding; the horse's frame blocked any light from brightening his features.

The captain had thought the beast would hassle him like he had before, but he remained docile. Neatly backing up as Eren tugged on the lead connected to the halter that Levi had placed on him.

The kid disappeared into the dark stall, the night swallowing him as he fumbled around. On his exit he can barely squeeze around the horse as it tries to make its way back out the door, ahead of Eren. In response, Eren sticks his hand out pushing against the broad chest to force him into backing up. The horse cedes and Eren makes wide birth of the door as he closes it. He moves quickly enough as the horse gets snippy again, coming back for seconds on his head. The horse's broad chest straining against the door as a better means to reach Eren as he bolts out of the way.

Eren grumbles and Levi tells him useless information, "Hange calls him Trich, short for trichotillomania or something..". He can even recount the women almost being scalped. The beast had taken a good grab of her hair and then decided to prance off with Hange still in its grips. Though it had given up as Hange's screams had escalated from yells to eye watering banshee-calls.

"...has a bit of a hair pulling fetish." He adds lamely at the memory.

"I see that," mouths Eren. He sends a glare to his stabled harasser while smoothing his hair down, the soreness a phantom memory pulling at the roots.

Silence swallows them, the emptiness of the night catching up with them, along with the absence of all their comrades. They would usually fill the sprawling space of the inner wards, instead of leaving lamps to paint their shimmering light upon the ground and walls.

Levi and Eren exchanged a quick look.

In a way it made them feel as if they were lone survivors and that everyone had died. The unpleasant feeling rolled between them.

 _The idea isn't entirely impossible..._

As if to push the feeling back Levi swings the saddle off and tells Eren to take care of his horse. He piled the saddles on top of each other and picked them up, realizing he had forgotten the bridles but not wanting to put down what he already had.

"Eren, bring those bridles to the tack room when your done." Levi walked away hearing Eren's indigent squawk.

Levi rolls his eyes. _Moron._

Levi sweeps around the side of the stable to the barn. He opens the door quietly not trying to disturb the silence of the night and pushes it all the way open with his foot. It is pitch black but his body knows the layout after years of walking up and down the stalls.

As he walks down the corridor between horse pens he turns and opens one of the tack rooms. As he grabs the handle and turns it, he hears muffled words coming down from the hay-shed but they could also be coming from the opposite end of the barn

 _Weird._

Levi shakes it off since the only other person is Eren and Levi had first-hand privilege of watching the kid hold a conversation with himself.

He finds the counter in the room and slips the saddles onto it. He feels around in the dark for a lite-cartoon, when he finds the worn package, he pulls it open and grips the long thin stick inside, he flicks it down the leather on his side strap and it sparks to life. The flame licking into the room, illuminating the hands cradling it's life from any stray air currents.

Levi lifts it to the cast iron lamp posted on the wall, lighting the oiled wick inside. The thick wick ignites and the room brightens significantly, casting long shadows on the opposite wall.

To avoid a fire, Levi disposes of the match light in the dirt pail outside the door.

Levi eyes the saddles on the polished wood surface while pushing his hair back. After a second he grabs the saddles one by one.

The captain makes sure the equipment is pushed onto the proper saddle racks. The last saddle in his arms has a rack up significantly higher than his own. As Levi balances the saddle in his palms, his arms are put above his head he is forced stretched out on the tips of his toes.

Eren walks through the door as Levi is muscling the saddle into position, forcing himself to take a step back with the force. The leather hits the wall at the back as it is pushed into place. Levi turns around and almost punches the kid at his silent entrance but betrays his surprise by crossing his arms.

"Took you long enough." Levi glowers at Eren. Then his ears twitch at the same sound he had heard earlier.

Eren seems to hear it too as his head swivels to look back out the door.

His captain unfolds his arms and walks past, bracing his hand on the old wood of the door as he looks back to Eren.

"I'm gonna see what that is." The man intones.

Levi leaves Eren in the dim lit tack room and makes his way down the rest of the stables length. His footsteps silent as the hay bales stacked up against the walls absorb their sound.

As he makes his way down to the end there is a sliver of light coming from underneath the hay-shed door.

 _What the hell is going on?_

But as he makes out another sound, more breathy than what he heard back with Eren, he has a good idea of what is going on behind those sliding doors.

 _On the hay our horses eat too..._

Without stopping his movement, he strides forwards and grips the shed door, sliding it open in a fluid motion.

The door shrieks on its rusted tracks and the light that pores from beyond lightens the whole corrider.

Lightening the captain too, who can only put a hand to cup his mouth at the sight in front of him. His hand contains the immediate response he wants to give to the two people laid out on a blanket in the middle of the room.

The lamp light shudders minutely as the door was pushed open.

Giving Levi the privilege to feast his eyes on the butter sheen that is Marco Bolt's freckled ass. Shifting his gaze to the man's tan left supporting arm, helping him stay over the pale body under him. Through the space between Bolt's chin and shoulder he pegs a name belonging to that pale body.

But before a word can pass, that pale body's mouth is working. Not around another moan but a poorly put together phrase.

"It's not what it looks like!" Jean yells, hands coming up to push against Marco's shoulders in a move that has him flipping the other man under him. Shielding everything from Levi's view except the scared stump where the freckled man's right arm should be.

 _Huh, trying to take back some dignity. If you two had any you would have chosen a different venue..._

The movement has them shifting in such a way that showcases just exactly how intimately connected Marco and Jean are.

F _irst the kid talking about this shit and now I have to witness it?_

His brain is screaming at him to look away but something in him has him unable to avert his eyes.

Suddenly, Levi wishes he never opened the door just as much as he wishes he did not see the look of discomfort flash across Jeans face as Marco's length falls from him.

Levi cringes.

It was one thing he never needed to see... ever. And it has his temper flaring higher.

Levi's hand finally leaves his mouth and his face feels hot from the temper boiling beneath the surface of his skin.

"Really, because it looks like two naked men having a roll in the hay." Levi's clipped and dangerous tone fills the air around the two men, resounding like a death toll.

Marco stiffens at Levi's pitch while Jean is unfazed. Quickly, as if he had not even heard, he situates himself over Marco so that his private bits are bracketed from view. It hides everything except his legs and amputated arm, leaving Jean's white back and ass on display for Levi's slit gaze.

Jean's head is faced towards Marco's - counting down the seconds he had left to his life.

"If I'm wrong, then tell me what the fuck it is you're doing!" Levi voice yells, lifting over the silent din in the room.

 _Someone better fuckin answer._ Levi glowers further.

"Uh..." Jean fumbles, his words failing him.

Levi sees the undulating ripples of tension roll over his shoulders in a visible twitch.

Levi does not give him another chance to replay.

"My horse eats this hay, dammit. So get the fuck out before I demonstrate were you can shove that fucking stump!" Levi says it low, dangerous.

He meant every word - it was as good as a promise.

"Hey!" Jean says in contempt, finally having the gall to look back over his shoulder, the side of his profile visible. Hate shinning in his one visible eye.

 _If I didn't know he had balls I'd say he just found them._

Levi hears footsteps approaching from behind and he resists the urge to turn around.

Those footsteps were unmistakable, uncertain and quiet.

 _Fucking kid..._

Levi looks at the two men in the hay shed.

 _Secret moments..._

"Shut up, Jean!" Marco seethes beneath him, gripping his head and pulling it back towards him. "That will not be needed Captain, it will not happen again Sir," Marco bleats out, his voice was surprisingly calm and assertive but also dry.

"Best see to that, Jean." Levi dropped, as if Marco was not capable of being so adventurous.

They both held their positions, seemingly waiting for Levi to move away from the door.

Finally, Levi drops his glower, readjusting his fixed stare to look around the hay bales. As he gains brain cells back from what he had just seen he turns back around only to see Eren five steps away.

Levi shrugs his shoulders at the curiosity on his face. Understanding from the angle the kid walked that he had no possibility of seeing what lay behind the wooded partition.

 _If he's curious let him see what happened to the cat._

Levi moves his feet, and brushes by the kid with the soft whisper of fabric between their shoulders.

The barley there nudge puts the kid in motion - bringing him closer to the door.

The older man keeps his pace, leaving Eren behind with the mentally scaring image that was sure to still great him.

He was sure it would be seared behind his retinas for the next couple hours. The least the world could do was make sure he was not alone in that regard.

 _Why me?_

A moment passes and he can pinpoint the exact second Eren must have put his head around the door. There is loud yelp from the kid and a shout from Jean.

"You peeping tom, I'm going to beat your ass!"

The kid lets a loud apology out behind him. Then Levi hears something crash against the door and Eren's quick footfalls rush up to his own quiet ones. Setting to match his steps, easily keeping pace but still giving an uneasy glace behind him. Probably thinking being next to his Captain was the safest place if Jean decided to streak naked down the hall to pulverize him into horse feed.

Indeed, it was the safest place.

 _Humanities Strongest and Humanities Hope._

Levi looks over at Eren and the kid's eyes are still wide, like they were trying to process something larger than his brain could handle.

 _Probably something like that._

The blush that had been on his face earlier in the day is gone replaced instead by a pale waxy complexion.

 _Most definitely a shock._

Yet ,a thought comes back to him.

"Oi, I don't have to worry about walking into something like that with you, I hope."

The statement comes back from their earlier conversation, stemming from Levi's previous apprehension about handsy soldiers making advances on the underage ward under his supervision.

"No, really sir. I'm not involved with anyone." Eren whispers trying to impact his words on his superior.

"Good."

"Good." Eren mimics.

"Good." Levi say's again internally adding, _At least I don't have to rip any other dicks off_. His mind flashing two bare assess in his mind like a punch.

Eren laughs and it pulls Levi out of his thoughts. The quality of the laugh troubles him.

"Ha, I'm sure everyone thinks I'd turn into a titan, sir." The humor comes off wrong.

That troubles him further as they walk down the stable path, their footsteps quite against the stone.

Levi gives him one sidelong glace, appraising him. _Young and feared, I can relate._

They come out from the barn, the waning light of the torches waving in the cold breeze picking up around them.

Eren has gone quiet. His face blanks as the morose of the day catches back up with him. The shadows grip along his face in phantom touches.

Levi looks away to close the door behind them.

The shadows are thrown around him too as they move to walk to the castle entrance, crawling up his cloak in a sleuth of pantomime hands rising from the grave. Hands picking at wounds long scarred over... better left lone.

* * *

Authors Note: That's the first Chapter ending on an eerie addendum. It was a bit long. That will happen sometimes... I didn't leave you guys with much of a hook. I thought it better to keep the first chapter mellow. Low key. See you at the next update. Chapter will bring a surprise!

Drop a comment; let me know what you think, what I missed, what you think I should have included.

An aside: I had issues posting this. When it uploaded all quotations and apostrophes were missing, including some periods and ellipses. I've reread it three times. If I'm still missing anything, I apologize.


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